Leaning into discomfort
I have the privilege of coaching executives and developing leaders in a broad range of roles and industries. This week, I’m delivering a leadership programme to in the aviation industry – not a sector I’ve worked in before – and I’m relishing the opportunity to learn.
The work is involving some uncomfortable conversations. Whether these conversations are about self-belief, self-awareness, inclusion, or something else, I support people to lean into reflection, conversations, or relationships that make us feel uncomfortable. We all avoid discomfort, yet it’s when we dig into difficult thoughts and emotions that we find clarity, learning, and growth.
Take the example of inclusion; I do lots of inclusion work and it’s an area I feel passionate about. I have a strong sense of social justice, and believe it’s important that we recognise the different lived experiences that people have and why they makes them the unique person they are – good and bad. Sometimes, people I’m working with see inclusion as a zero-sum game, i.e. if someone (usually from a marginalised or underrepresented group) is given more opportunity, then this takes away opportunity from a person who had it previously.
It's hard for people to see themselves as having an advantage over others when they’re working hard in hard jobs, had challenging upbringings, and have difficult lives outside work. And it’s uncomfortable for me as someone who has a lot of privilege to stand in front of people and ask them to think about things in a different way. It’s uncomfortable for us all.
So what have I noticed? I’ve noticed that discomfort goes in stages. Let's take the example of an inclusion conversation. At the start, there's tension, and then emotion and anger often comes up. But then something else happens: we recognise our discomfort and that we bring different views and perspectives, and we start to work through the discomfort and get to a position that’s more pragmatic. Does everyone leave the room agreeing? Of course not. But we're at least thinking about the subject from a different perspective – and that includes me.
We can’t be out of our comfort zone all the time – it’s not sustainable. But we can create the opportunity lean into discomfort, reflect on why that be, and be open to talking to others about it. Our brains run on assumptions and learned responses. Perhaps we should all think about how we can challenge these assumptions and responses a bit more often? This is where we find growth and positive change.
If you want to talk more on this subject, I’d love to hear from you. You can get in touch by sending me a DM or emailing me at tom@hex-development.com.
